The penis enlarment shit which fills every ones inbox now a days .

One of the up-and-coming (pardon) categories of spam today is the advertisement for penis enlargement aids. The spammers in this game are doggedly persistent in promoting their pills, pumps, weights, exercises, and other nostra to the gullible public. (Stop that snickering, ladies, the spammers have got your number as well.) I began to get these some years ago, and they’ve become more frequent and more inisistent as time has gone by. Recently, these ads have turned ugly, actively humiliating the reader and playing to the secret fears of 90% of red-blooded males that they may be insufficient “down under” (see the highlight).

From: "Sidney Rudolph" <hidden>
Subject: My 8-year-old brother has one like that FDWH
Date: Thu, 19 Sep 2002 20:14:48 -1600
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/html;
charset="iso-8859-1"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable





A man endowed with a 7 - 8" hammer is simply

better equipped than a man with a 5 - 6" hammer.


Would you rather have
more than enough to get the job done or fall =
very short. It's totally up
to you. Our Methods are guaranteed to incre=
ase your size by 1 - 3"
004">Enter here and see how

Spams like this one often refer you to websites, with nice clipart pictures of doctors with clipboards, raving “testimonials,” and rather indistinct before-and-after pictures that were likely gleaned from usenet amateur porn groups.
After receiving a couple hundred of these ads, I started wondering whether any of this stuff might actually work. So, I took a quick browse at http://www.webmd.com/ (searching on “penis enlargement”), and learned the following (I’m not a doctor, I don’t play one on TV, the usual disclaimers apply):

• There’s no such thing as a “pill” that will enlarge the penis.
• There are topical treatments (creams) that can somewhat enlarge the penis, but they work (if at all) only before the onset of puberty.
• Vacuum pumps are sometimes used in treatment of erectile dysfunction, but they do not significantly enlarge the penis for any length of time.
• Exercises such as stretching or suspending weights do not work, and could be harmful; the penis is not a muscle and cannot be enlarged through repeated stress (exercise) as can muscles.
• The only sure way to “enlarge” the penis is through surgery; there are operations that can cut the ligature that suspends the penis and make it stick out farther from the body (not really an enlargement), and other operations can increase the girth of the penis shaft by injecting fat or other tissue from elsewhere in the body. Both of these surgeries are quite expensive, and come with all kinds of risks of side effects.
• Some urologists pointed out that overweight men can “increase” the apparent length of their penises by losing weight, which will reduce the fatty “pad” in the groin area.
• Another writer observed that since these scammers usually badmouth competing approaches (pills, pumps, exercises, etc.) in favor of their own particular solution, the net result is that all of them cancel each other out.
• Finally, one doctor pithily observed that any man who thinks his penis is too small probably has a problem between his ears, and not between his legs.

So, there you have it. There are some truly big pricks to be seen in this racket -- they’re the ones doing the mailing.

Update: 15 Dec 2004. Two years after receiving this message, I find that the penis enlargement spam craze has abated quite a bit, although it still seems to show up in my inbox at least a couple times a week. Why do spammers keep hacking away at this tired racket?
An August, 2003 article on the Wired news website (since taken down) offered a clue: web-surfing spam investigators discovered that an Amazing Internet Products affiliate website (www.goringly.biz, since defunct) was left unsecured, and an order log (including customer names, addresses, and--yes--credit card info) was exposed for all to see. The log documented some $300,000 in orders for bottles of the notorious Pinacle penis pills (at $50 each), sometimes in quantity, from a variety of folks who ought to have suspected or known better, including the manager of a mutual fund, an aircraft parts executive, and even a veterinarian (!).
The Wired article went on to quote one deluded soul as saying, “There was a picture on the top of the page that said, ‘As Seen on TV,’ and I guess that made me think it was legit.” Ohhhh, fer chrissakes! It’s bad enough to assume something is true if you see it yourself on TV, but to assume that it is true because someone told you it was on TV is a whole new stratum of chowderheadedness.
The goringly.biz website (like most such outlets) contained no company identification, no phone numbers, no street address, nor any other means of contact besides the order form. This should have been a big fat clue to warn away the curious visitor to the site, but I suppose all this shows how common sense can often be overpowered by a combination of libido and insecurity.
Folks, this is exactly why spammers keep spamming -- not because they enjoy it, but because they stand to make money from the gullible. A LOT of money. And, as we see, the gullible exist in all strata of society, even among those with Gold Cards. The best way to retard the growth of spam is to keep your damn credit cards in your wallets. This tactic makes even more sense when you see how incompetently (or criminally) some of these people handle your credit card information.

Does he or doesn’t he (or does she)?

On a lighter note, I see from recent spams that the pumps, exercises, and pills have been joined by a new weapon against penile inadequacy: the penis patch. Like the transdermal patches commonly used as smoking-cessation aids or for delivery of other kinds of drugs, you put on the penis patch in order to, well, have it do its work. But here’s the kicker: according to the picture provided with one of these spams, you apparently put that patch on -- wait for it -- the SOLES OF YOUR FEET, which include some of the toughest and most impenetrable skin on the human body (on the other hand maybe the pach goes on her foot -- it’s kinda hard to tell from the picture). Sheesh. If ever you needed any further proof as to the ridiculousness of this whole penis-enlarging scheme, this would have to be it. What’s next, magic powders and chicken bones in little cloth bags hung around your neck? Booklets of Latin incantations to be recited on the new moon? John Holmes rosaries?
Gentlemen, if you haven’t gotten the point by now, let me repeat it: these penis enlargement nostra DO NOT WORK. They are INEFFECTIVE. They WON’T ADD ONE MILLIMETER to your endowment no matter how many pictures of doctors the spammers put on their websites. DON’T BUY FROM THEM. If you do, you’ll be lucky if you only get ripped off for fifty bucks; you might very well have your credit card numbers exposed to the public, and your name exposed to public ridicule. Plus, you’ll just be doing your part to perpetuate the nuisance of spam.

Update 8 July 2006: The penis-pill pushers are back on the rise, at least as far as I can see from the contents of my own in-boxes; typically, these latter-day appeals aren’t just for simple enlargement aids, but for all-purpose miracle drugs that claim not only to expand your endowment, but to cure erectile deficiency, increase sexual stamina, increase the volume and force of your ejaculations (to make you “like a porn star”), and even to make your semen taste better (!?). The fact that a single product is claimed to cure all of these “ills” must be cause for considerable skepticism, and the fact that these amazing drugs are advertised mainly via spam must also make one think of my spam rule #1a. The “testimonials” in these ads now often feature messages from gay men, proving perhaps that spammers do not shun the homosexual segment of the market.


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